you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
