btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
