im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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