hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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