I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
