you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize