I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
