so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
