I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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