I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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