this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
