We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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