I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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