Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
