Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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