I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
