Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
