im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
