i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize