I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
