found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
