Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
