your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
