my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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