ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
