Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Randomize
