You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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