I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She bit a glass in half.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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