god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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