I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize