Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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