I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
