Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
