Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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