did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
