Are we in a gay sports bar?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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