I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I deserve this hangover.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
