I heard we made out
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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