no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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