yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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