my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
