Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
