Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
