It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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