My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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