First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
