In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
