I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
