We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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