I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
All I want is dick and wine.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
