you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
