I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
