Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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