She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize