Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
