the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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