Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
