i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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