I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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