you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
