My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
