I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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