A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
from now on my penis is your penis
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
