I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
