I think i sorta joined a cult last night
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
