Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
