yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
