He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
