I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
