Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize