I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
